nsamusements | Call Out Meme: Version 5.0

I doubt you are going to have any shortage of volunteers. Not when we are getting so close and not with this new information. There is part of me that wants to go down with them this time. I...just feel like I should do something more than I have been...

[He looks at Waver and that need to do just gets stronger. It's not hard to see just how tired and worn out his partner is and if he is giving so much, Diarmuid should be doing the same and it doesn't feel like he has been doing that at all. Never mind he spent so much of the last month sick...

Before he can say anything about how tired Waver looks, the picture falls free. Diarmuid moves slightly to pick it up and starts to hand it back to Waver, freezing when he sees who it is. Or...who he assumes it is.]

The...apple doesn't fall far from the tree, does it?

I considered going with them for a minute myself, but that would be stupid. Putting aside the fact that I'm not entirely suited for front line work, like hell I'm going to deal with that nonsense again if I get killed. Neither of us can afford that at this point.

[Shaking his head, Waver returned to the lesser issue at hand.] Afraid not--startled the hell out of me when I first met her, myself. Magical bloodlines being what they are, neither of us should be surprised.

[Militant as they were over bloodline purity, it seemed obvious even someone from a branch family would look similar to her predescessor. Waver took the picture back and glanced it over for a moment.]

...I could say 'she's not quite as much trouble as she looks', but that would be one hell of a lie.

[Diarmuid blinks, paling slightly when the meaning behind Waver's words hits him. It takes so long to get their real powers back and with time so short and no one knowing what exactly their next actions will trigger...]

We...really can't afford it, can we?

[One of Diarmuid's arms makes its way around Waver's waist, giving him a squeeze. More than most, having their real powers when this all ends is important to them. Their bond might be the only thing that can drag Diarmuid to Waver's world.]

I won't go then... Surely, there will be something we can do up here.

[He hopes so anyway...]

Still, the resemblance is uncanny. If I didn't know better, I was swear she was his daughter and it's not just the looks. There is something about her...aura...

[It's not the right word, but it is the best Diarmuid can do at the moment.]

...that screams Kayneth. I wouldn't believe you if you swore she was a saint. There is just no way...

Don't worry so much. I'd imagine there will be more than enough people crazy enough to infiltrate, so it's unlikely we'll be necessary.

[Waver frowned in a way that might have suggested this was a nearly routine annoyance for him.]

She's a magus through and through, that's what it is. Everything the Association's best aspire to be--a conniving, cold, ruthless machine whose only interest lies in the reputation of her family name.

[Strangely, the usual bitterness Waver had in his voice when talking about magi being magi was largely absent. This time it sounded more as though he said as much out of habit. Grudgingly, he followed with:]

...although as magi go, she really isn't so bad. More like an annoyance one simply learns to live with.

[Others might have missed the subtle shifts in Waver's tone, but Diarmuid doesn't and for some reason, it makes him smile.]

Well...she did give you a chance after all. She can't be all that bad...

Kind of like that daughter you want to discipline, but just can't bring yourself to punish because she's too cute, hu?

[Diarmuid....]

More like 'can't punish because she's too evil'. [Waver shook his head, sighing.]

Regardless, she isn't quite like him. I wouldn't work for her if that was the case--I still have some shred of integrity on occasion.

Is she the one who is teaching you all your evil ways?

[Diarmuid tsks his tongue in mock annoyance.]

Maybe I need to punish her when we get back...

[Because that will go well...]

Let's not, because that will end well for none of us. Besides, it isn't as though she's some horribly corrupting force. Though it's true I owe a fair amount of my persona to her own influence, that's worked more to my advantage than anything.

Aw...you don't let me have any fun.

[Diarmuid pouts at Waver for a moment and then shakes his head.]

So...why the picture? Why return that to you now?

I don't know. I suppose I don't own much at all, let alone anything of use.

[Diarmuid frowns.]

You really don't have anything else? We are going to have to fix that when we get back...

Nothing particularly important or sentimental. Most of what I own not related to magecraft is just a number of books and things like that. Why, is that some sort of problem?

I guess it's not really a problem. It's just...sad.

[Diarmuid pauses, trying to think of the right way to explain.]

Those important things tend to be things that bring you joy or good memories. I know you have been busy and focused on the Grail, but you should still have a few of those things...

I simply never held much value in being sentimental like that. The only objects I own of any such importance are things I came here with.

[A small smile returns to Diarmuid's face. It's touching how many of those things have to do with him.]

Well, considering what those few things are...I guess I can't really complain...

[Looking uncertain, Waver raised a hand to the pendant he wore and started idly fidgeting with it.]

I hadn't held any value in sentiment for a long time. All I really felt were anger and bitterness when I wasn't being an arrogant little shit. Then after everything, I...realized I enjoyed having someone to rely on after relying only on myself. Attaching myself to the only few remnants I had was the only way I could even try to remind myself that someone had cared whether I lived or not.

[He closed his hand around the ivory shard tightly, looking to the floor.]

That's...pathetic. Ten--no, eleven years and I still can't just get over it.

[Diarmuid shakes his head, reaching up to wrap one of his hands around the one Waver is grasping his pendent with.]

It's not pathetic. Everyone has things that happen that change them forever. Not only change them, but change the course of their lives. If you didn't feel emotion over those feelings--if you didn't remember them--I would be really worried about you. Remember what you told me? Being flawed helps you understand people. Having those memories and those emotions lets you do the same.

[And no matter what else Waver has to do to destroy the Grail, he can't let himself become detached completely from his humanity because then he will forget the real reason he is doing what he's doing.]

...After the war I knew I wasn't the same person without him...like something had just gone missing entirely even though I barely knew him at all. Now, after everything, I know I can't fully be myself without you. Maybe I haven't changed as much as I thought--maybe I'm still even more flawed and weak than I want to admit.

[Waver pulled Diarmuid closer with his other arm, resting his head on the knight's shoulder.]

I'm sorry that I'm so fucking broken. But this is...the only place I can be that stupid, weak-hearted self I hate admitting to.

[Diarmuid doesn't resist being pulled closer, his arms wrapping more completely around Waver's waist.]

You don't have to be sorry. You're never held being broken against me, so the last thing I am going to do is hold it against you. You know...

[His head rests against Waver's.]

...one of the last times I was in the ballroom--before that whole thing with Grainne--the mask I got was really interesting. It was cracked and broken, but it had been repaired...and somehow was more beautiful for that.

I thought about it afterward and I think it was meant to tell me that even broken things can still be beautiful again because it happened around the time I was without my powers and putting myself back together again. Maybe I couldn't ever be what I once was, but that wasn't necessarily a bad thing. Accepting that...helped. Maybe it's time you accepted that too?

I don't know if that's something I can even do.

[Waver shook his head slightly, hiding his face in Diarmuid's shoulder.]

Accepting myself is...nearly impossible. I don't care for the person I am, the abilities I have, or anything about the person Waver Velvet has ever been. Nothing about me has ever been good enough to be worthwhile no matter how I push myself to improve, so how can I accept that?

You're good enough for me. What does it matter what anyone else thinks? You keep fighting and you don't give up. That has gotten us this far and it's going to see us through to the end. I know it will.

[One of Diarmuid's hands comes up to stroke Waver's hair.]

I think you need to do what I did, Mo Stór. As hard as it is and as much as it hurts, you have to be honest with yourself and look inside of you. You've changed and you need to find the new you. That is what you need to accept. Not the old version that you still think is you because that is what you feel you have always been. You are stronger and braver than you give yourself credit for and that isn't just me being biased.

I'll...make an attempt. That's all I'm able to promise, especially with our time as limited as it is.

Even so, I don't know that I can be anything you think I am.

It's all right. I understand. After all, look at how long it took me to find the right time to do it. It's not something that can be rushed or forced.

[Diarmuid tightens his hold on Waver slightly.]

You seem to forget, I love you no matter what you are. It's a moot point to worry about never being able to be what I want. You already are.

...I still think you have questionable taste, you know.

And I think your taste is pretty questionable too.

[He laughs softly.]

It makes us even.

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