nsamusements | Call Out Meme: Version 5.0

I have no intention of attempting to play the self-sacrificing card and saying you should go after her. Even if that would work things out--which clearly it won't at this point--I'm far too selfish for that. I'm staying where I am whether I have a right to or not.

[Maybe being kind of a jerk came in handy at times.]

Even so, you can't accurately say I don't have some hand in all of this. Were I to take a guess I might assume any sane woman would be jealous in this situation, wouldn't she?

[Diarmuid has to admit, he is relieved to hear Waver say that and it shows clearly in his eyes. He had been very worried that Waver might try to break things off between them and that is the last thing he wants. Thankfully, it seems being overly self-sacrificing is not one of the traits that Waver has picked up from Diarmuid.

Thank goodness.]

I will say what I said back in the ballroom. There is fault here with all of us. Jealousy on her end could be part of it. Especially since is seems like she did love me beyond what the curse made her feel. I...was wrong when I assumed before. So wrong...

People most likely fuck these things up all the time--predicting what someone else might have thought or felt can't work all the time, no matter how well they know each other.

[Everything had its proper place and time. This was not a situation that called for selflessness in idiotic amounts, and Waver was aware of that. Besides, he was too stubborn and selfish to just turn his back on the whole matter now.]

...And then there's me, who has no idea what the correct thing to do or say in this situation might be. My help in this might be severely limited.

You just being there for me is more than enough. I really appreciate you trying to help that night. I just think...

[Diarmuid sighs, eyes looking out back toward his trunk, but seeing nothing.]

...I think she really needs to let it all go. When I found her, she was burning all the things the Tower returned to her. Everything but that comb. I know the objects aren't real, but the memories they invoke are. I don't understand why she would want to let all of that go...unless it all just brings pain. In which case, me forcing her to live constantly reminded of that pain is unbearably selfish...even if it does cause me pain to know she is here and I can't do anything for her...

In the end I suppose there's just not much we can do right now. Given some time, maybe she'll settle down and change her mind. Although since time's a luxury of which we're in short supply, I hope she does so quickly if she will at all.

[Another pause. Waver found himself feeling as though he should have been doing something more substantial, and yet at a loss for what that could be.]

...Are you doing alright?

I agree. Time might be the only solution and it...we don't have.

[Diarmuid shifts slightly so he can rest his head on Waver's leg and shuts his eyes. Mac an Chuill makes an annoyed grumble when he is partially dislodged from his 'pillow.']

'All right' is such a subjective term. I keep thinking about what I could have done differently. Would things be better now if I had found her before everyone else did? Or what if I hadn't been getting sick because of whatever it was that Sephiroth did?

[He knows who is responsible now for his illness, of course. It would be hard to miss all the talk about it...]

I've grown tired of contemplating hypotheticals through hindsight, Diarmuid. I can't say whether this would have worked out if situation Y or circumstance X hadn't applied, and now that it's all done with there's no way to ever know for certain.

[Though his voice carried what seemed the standard note of cold irritation, Waver ran one hand through Diarmuid's hair almost automatically as he continued.]

As things stand, I have to conclude the most efficient course of action is to put all of this aside for now, or make our best attempt to do so. We haven't the time to worry over all of this.

[Realizing how coldhearted that sounded, Waver hesitated for a second. But there really was no way around it; they were fast running out of time to waste. Everyone in the Tower interested in survival needed to focus and stop acting like idiots. That was just a simple fact.]

[Diarmuid leans into Waver's touch, sighing as he listens to his partner speak.]

I really wish I could let these things go as easily as you do because you are right. Time is so short now and there is still so much we have to do...

[It's frightening thinking about how much they have to do yet, but what is even more frightening is thinking that if things go really wrong this might be one of the last times he and Waver will be able to be together like this.]

But...if she wants to let it all go, then I will do no more to stop her. I really don't think she will ever willingly meet with us again to discuss this, so it is done. It...is done. There are other things we must focus on.

I never said it would be easy. She's complicated things even without trying to be difficult, unfortunately.

[Waver sighed, taking out his notebook with his free hand and idly looking through it.]

I'm afraid we have a number of more important things to work on. If we sort all that out, then we'll see about patching things up with her if that's even possible. While I can't ask you to forget the matter entirely, I need you to work with me the best that you're able for now.

I don't know if it can be patched up, but it won't really matter if we don't deal with the more immediate issues, will it?

[For someone who usually tries to be so positive about things, Diarmuid sounds very doubtful about the chances of things being able to be fixed between he and Grainne. She seems to have drawn so many conclusions about who he is now without giving him a chance to fully explain what has happened. Even when he does explain, she seems to find the worst angle to interpret things from and insists it's the right one. Maybe that is just because she is hurt and jealous, but while it is understandable she feels that way, there is just no time to fight against that now.

Diarmuid reaches over and rests his hand lightly on Waver's notebook.]

What new stuff do you have to tell me? Anything?

I think I touched upon most of what I learned from Aria already--once I hear from her again, I'll see if I can gather anyone stupid enough to infiltrate.

[Waver himself looked exhausted; this was a lot to deal with even without worrying over the emotional clusterfuck regarding Grainne. Add that onto the stress of a rapidly approaching deadline, and he couldn't have slept a full night if he tried.]

I'm sure there are still plenty of people desperate enough to do that, and better yet ones that must have done as much before. [He started to close the notebook, the motion causing the photograph to fall out from between the pages Waver had placed it in. Startled, he fumbled to catch it but failed, the paper fluttering harmlessly to land on the bed beside them.]

Er...sorry about that.

Edited (i forgot how to html) 2014-04-10 01:51 (UTC)

I doubt you are going to have any shortage of volunteers. Not when we are getting so close and not with this new information. There is part of me that wants to go down with them this time. I...just feel like I should do something more than I have been...

[He looks at Waver and that need to do just gets stronger. It's not hard to see just how tired and worn out his partner is and if he is giving so much, Diarmuid should be doing the same and it doesn't feel like he has been doing that at all. Never mind he spent so much of the last month sick...

Before he can say anything about how tired Waver looks, the picture falls free. Diarmuid moves slightly to pick it up and starts to hand it back to Waver, freezing when he sees who it is. Or...who he assumes it is.]

The...apple doesn't fall far from the tree, does it?

I considered going with them for a minute myself, but that would be stupid. Putting aside the fact that I'm not entirely suited for front line work, like hell I'm going to deal with that nonsense again if I get killed. Neither of us can afford that at this point.

[Shaking his head, Waver returned to the lesser issue at hand.] Afraid not--startled the hell out of me when I first met her, myself. Magical bloodlines being what they are, neither of us should be surprised.

[Militant as they were over bloodline purity, it seemed obvious even someone from a branch family would look similar to her predescessor. Waver took the picture back and glanced it over for a moment.]

...I could say 'she's not quite as much trouble as she looks', but that would be one hell of a lie.

[Diarmuid blinks, paling slightly when the meaning behind Waver's words hits him. It takes so long to get their real powers back and with time so short and no one knowing what exactly their next actions will trigger...]

We...really can't afford it, can we?

[One of Diarmuid's arms makes its way around Waver's waist, giving him a squeeze. More than most, having their real powers when this all ends is important to them. Their bond might be the only thing that can drag Diarmuid to Waver's world.]

I won't go then... Surely, there will be something we can do up here.

[He hopes so anyway...]

Still, the resemblance is uncanny. If I didn't know better, I was swear she was his daughter and it's not just the looks. There is something about her...aura...

[It's not the right word, but it is the best Diarmuid can do at the moment.]

...that screams Kayneth. I wouldn't believe you if you swore she was a saint. There is just no way...

Don't worry so much. I'd imagine there will be more than enough people crazy enough to infiltrate, so it's unlikely we'll be necessary.

[Waver frowned in a way that might have suggested this was a nearly routine annoyance for him.]

She's a magus through and through, that's what it is. Everything the Association's best aspire to be--a conniving, cold, ruthless machine whose only interest lies in the reputation of her family name.

[Strangely, the usual bitterness Waver had in his voice when talking about magi being magi was largely absent. This time it sounded more as though he said as much out of habit. Grudgingly, he followed with:]

...although as magi go, she really isn't so bad. More like an annoyance one simply learns to live with.

[Others might have missed the subtle shifts in Waver's tone, but Diarmuid doesn't and for some reason, it makes him smile.]

Well...she did give you a chance after all. She can't be all that bad...

Kind of like that daughter you want to discipline, but just can't bring yourself to punish because she's too cute, hu?

[Diarmuid....]

More like 'can't punish because she's too evil'. [Waver shook his head, sighing.]

Regardless, she isn't quite like him. I wouldn't work for her if that was the case--I still have some shred of integrity on occasion.

Is she the one who is teaching you all your evil ways?

[Diarmuid tsks his tongue in mock annoyance.]

Maybe I need to punish her when we get back...

[Because that will go well...]

Let's not, because that will end well for none of us. Besides, it isn't as though she's some horribly corrupting force. Though it's true I owe a fair amount of my persona to her own influence, that's worked more to my advantage than anything.

Aw...you don't let me have any fun.

[Diarmuid pouts at Waver for a moment and then shakes his head.]

So...why the picture? Why return that to you now?

I don't know. I suppose I don't own much at all, let alone anything of use.

[Diarmuid frowns.]

You really don't have anything else? We are going to have to fix that when we get back...

Nothing particularly important or sentimental. Most of what I own not related to magecraft is just a number of books and things like that. Why, is that some sort of problem?

I guess it's not really a problem. It's just...sad.

[Diarmuid pauses, trying to think of the right way to explain.]

Those important things tend to be things that bring you joy or good memories. I know you have been busy and focused on the Grail, but you should still have a few of those things...

I simply never held much value in being sentimental like that. The only objects I own of any such importance are things I came here with.

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